This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize