I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
