my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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