Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
