I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
