I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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