I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
