if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
