I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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