he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
