we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bring me that man meat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
