I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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