I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize