i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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