Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
