Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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