you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
