And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
