guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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