get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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