just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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