babies were throwing up all over the place
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
