He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
