so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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