it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
