Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
