im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
