if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
