You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
