Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
