xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
