ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
