I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want nice things and good sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
