I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
