just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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