Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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