so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
