Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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