Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
