Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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