In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
