You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
