now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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