Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just google imaged poop.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
