so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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