then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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