So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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