im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
