Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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