Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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