Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
