I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
