omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
