I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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