That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
