Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
