Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
