she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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