she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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