Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
