Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
