I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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