I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pooping to opera.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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