Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
