Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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