How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
