you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
