everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
