Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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