Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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