I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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