nut hugger
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
