Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
