The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
