omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
