He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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