i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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