i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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