dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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