I'm going to jail i love you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
